I

I am:


I think:

I know:

I have:

I wish:

I hate:

I miss:

I fear:

I hear:

I smell:

I crave:

I search:

I wonder:

I regret:

I love:

I ache:

I am not:

I try:

I believe:

I dance:

I sing:

I cry:

I fight:

I lose:

I never:

I always:

I confuse:

I listen:

I can usually be found:

I need:

I am happy:

I imagine:

Content Context is King.

Have you ever gotten into a fight with a family member or friend?  How did it start?  Was it something you did?  Was it something you said?  How did you handle it?  Has someone stopped talking to you and as far as you know everything should be fine?

In recent years I have been accused, chagred, tried, convicted, found guilty and sentenced  judged twice for saying things, only for one little bit of what was said and not the context of what was said or the actions and events that lead to me saying the wrong thing.

These events have caused some very hurtful things to be said of and about me.  These things I said, without the benefit of context make me seem like a pretty awful person.  When I realized what was being thought by people I cared about (and thought they cared about me) I was very hurt.  How can someone who knows me assume that I would think, say and do anything to hurt anyone else.  I know that the other person(s) were hurt by what I said, and for that I have apologized to them.  However, I don't understand why we no longer give someone the benefit of the doubt, trusting who we know them to be and try to find out what really happened rather than tossing friends out.  These events involved people who were supposed to have known me, trusted me, loved me.  And just like that....

I don't know about anyone one else, but I am not perfect.  Not even close.  I can only do my very best, everyday, with what comes my way.  I make mistakes, certainly say the wrong thing and put my foot in my mouth more often than I'll ever care to admit.  I have made a deal with myself that if, in the future, I feel like something big, such as the situations vaguely referenced above come along again I will fill my friends in of the situation surrounding the wrong thing and apologize.  I will not get caught up in explaining myself over and over again or changing the entire situation.  There are things to be learned from every uncomfortable moment.  It's not just me that needs to take a step back and learn. 

I wonder if the other parties in these situations still continue to blame me or if, some how, they've discovered not that they were wrong, but there are certainly other perspectives to explore and better ways to deal with things than blaming someone else for the entire circumstance.

It's been a long time, but I need to be here.

It's been a long time since I have blogged. 

2010 was a year of big change for me. It was a very difficult year for me.  In ways I am still realizing and in ways I believe I ignored for most of the time.

A new job. Co-worker left.  Cycled through 3 candidates before finding someone to work with.

David turned 28 - but thought he was just 27 two months later! Funny conversation!

Lincoln turned 2. Lincoln is a big boy. There is no baby in my house.


I am Erin.  I am struggling.  I am very weird places in my head.  At this point I am spending a lot of time looking forward.  Begging for time to go faster.  Which in my mind is the most counter-intuitive and ridiculous thought when considering one of my largest goals should be to be present and attentive when I am with Lincoln. 

2011 is hopefully what will be a immense year for our family. I am going to continue working at a accounting firm, hopefully conquering my first tax season. I will be working some overtime Mon-Thurs. and every other Saturday.  This will limit my time with Lincoln in the evenings and is something I am thoroughly dreading.  David will complete school and hopefully find a job in the computer industry.

In many ways as I look forward, I feel like I am in a flux, just waiting to get this next 8 months over with to see what's next for our family! We are waiting for David to get a job. Waiting to get better insurance. Waiting to move into a bigger place, maybe even in a new zip code. Waiting for the right time to add someone new to our family.  Waiting.

I need to be here, writing, getting my thoughts out.  So I will be back this week with some goals and plans that will hopefully help us get through the next 8 months, or better yet, lets start with our first goal of the year: Counquer Tax Season 2011.  Survival until April 15.

And because you survived this crappy post about nothing, here's an adorable picture of Lincoln.
Consider yourself rewarded :)

We are here, We are breathing.

It's been a crazy summer.  We've been to Roanoke, VA, Camp LaJune, NC and Boston (area), MA.  We've been to the pool, the park, the zoo and I've been to a John Mayer concert - YAY!!!

Lincoln is 20 months old.  He is brilliant!  He sings ABCs, counts, shapes, sings along with me, repeats everything, can throw a baseball 10-15' and loves a baseball bat.  He still loves to read and lives to watch Elmo, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Handy Manny.  He loves music and insists on listening to John Mayer's 'Heartbreak' when we get in the car. He loves kisses, hugs and knows how to give noses, noggin', and knuckles.  He really enjoys being around extended family and knows who everyone is.  He really enjoyed our trip to Massachusetts and was a wonderful little traveller.  I have made him an album of his extended family members.  He is obsessed and knows who everyone is- and that's saying something since he had 4 sets of grandparents! 

I love Lincoln!

David is still working hard and doing very well at school.  He has a fraction more than a year left and we are already praying that he will find a job in his field. 

I am doing well, I like my new job, but still miss my old job.  I don't think that will change, especially because I had the opportunity to have family to work with, not just co-workers.

Life is busy, wonderful and crazy!  Just how we like it! 

BIG Changes

Well I have a new job.

I was laid off from the position is had been in for 6 years.  It was super sad, because we were like family, and not personal but because it was done because it was best for the company in this still crappy economy.

I worked for an additional two weeks, completing as much as possible and getting my office manager, my "work-mom", as ready as possible.  While there wasn't enough work for us both, it will be a lot of work for one person.  During that time I was also applying for jobs, sending resumes (totalling 50 by the end) and interviewing. 

I have found a position in a very busy office.  I worked Thursday and Friday last week and tomorrow starts my first full week.  I would describe this job as fast-paced, detail oriented and definitely a constant buzz of work to be done. So we're all adjusting at my house and we'll have to see how we fall into the rhythm. I have to be at work earlier and during a certain season there will be required overtime. I am very optimistic and everyone is every friendly, so this should be awesome!  I think its a very good fit, but definitely an adjustment getting used to a busy office again, but everything goes so fast the day really flies and I love that!

My blogging will hopefully get more regular as I figure out my new schedule... we'll see.

The Sweetest Boy.

Lincoln makes every day worth taking the next step.  He makes me smile wider, laugh harder and my heart fuller than I ever imagined it could feel.  I am a better me because he and David are the loves on my life!

The word of the week is school bus.  We notice them and point at them all the time.  We have turned around the carseat and Lincoln is taking in every new sight and experience.

Tonight, a half hour ago, I was dancing in the kitchen, singing a little song I made up when I used to babysit.
'I love you and
you love me too, too, too.
I love you, and,
you love me too-o.'

When I stopped singing Lincoln started!  "I yuv you", so I said and you love me too too too, "I yuv you" and you love me too-o.   GAH!  Help me that was awesome and so suh-weet! 

My cup runneth over and over.  We are so blessed to have such a sweet affectionate darling BOY!  He is all boy, running, tumbling, busy, but also exuberantly loving.  We are so blessed.

Finding the sweet spot.

I am in a good place right now.

I seem to be finding my niche in it all right now.

I am joyful and content where I am right now.

Feelings like this are sometimes fleeting.  I want to remember this.

I need to remember how wonderful it is to be in love with my husband and to adore our son.
I need to continuously remember how blessed we are to be healthy!



There are so many things every single day that try to distract from this feeling I have.  Friendships in flux.  Expectations others place on me that I cannot meet.  Deadlines I will not achieve.  Bills I forget to mail, so I pay online ;) Dishes stacked in the sick and dust piling on the mantle.  I may not have time for twice weekly visits to the grandparents.  My toes may not have been painted in a month :(  I may not have returned too small pants that have been in my car for two weeks and shirts hanging on the door for a month :( 

I give myself a break, tell myself I work all day and need to see my son in the evenings.  I need to spend time with my little family of three from Friday at 5 until Monday at 9.  And while this is undoubtly selfish, I know I will never in my life regret the time I spend with my husband and son. 

So I have my peace and my joy and my loves!  I have taken the time to be splashed in the bath tub.  I have stroked my boys warm head and sung him to sleep.  I have played cars and read books and explored grass and discovered birds and gotten dirt under my finger nails and colored pictures and watched Elmo.  :D  I have watched silly videos on youtube, cuddled up for a movie, made muffins just for him, put away his socks.

I am me, I am David's wife and I am Lincoln's mom and now these titles in my life come first! and it's sweet!

Milestones

Lincoln seems to be crashing through a milestone a minute lately.

You are of course walking, running, now climbing, sliding, talking and repeating, dancing...

You have never needed a security object.  You aren't yet attached to a blanket or stuffed animal. 

You gave up the pacifier, un-prompted, at 9 months.  Just stopped taking it and wanted nothing to do with it.

It took a long time for us to get you interested in a sippy cup.

At 17 months old, you still have a morning, nap and bedtime bottle.
This weekend we are going to try to stop the morning bottle, trading it for a cup- we'll see.
You like your bottle and its the first thing you ask for in the morning after Dada.

You are still a baby, and most certainly MY BABY.  I am completely ok with still cuddling up and giving you a bottle.  I am completely ok with having you sit still for a moment so I can cuddle you, smooth your hair, rub your head, touch your sweet face. 

While there are still many milestones that will be accomplished, and we are joyous and proud at each one, I cherish each day I can love you as my little baby boy who fits perfectly in my arms and upon my lap and overflows the confines of my heart.  I love you sweet boy!

Lincoln - 17 Months!

Lincoln, love, you are 17 months old.  You are busy, constantly going, moving, running, playing!  You captivate me and capture my attention in little things you do every day.

You are enthusiastically affectionate.  You blow kisses with the exuberance and force of hurricane winds.

You are a sweet mimic.  You copy every word we ask you to say.  When I ask you, What does Lincoln say?, your answer is "Huh?"  Its so funny!

You are becoming a comedian and like to make us laugh, repeating funny words or making a weird sound until we are falling over laughing at you.

You like Elmo and Sesame Street, but we fast forward until Elmo is on.  You like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Handy Manny.  You like the songs on these shows and sway and dance to theme songs and things like the hot dog dance on MMC.

We are working with you with numbers, colors, shapes, and ABCs already.  If we say one, you say TWO! You repeat the colors when we point them out. Red, Blue, Yellow, Green, Orange and Purple.

You say Sky, Tree, Car, Outside, Bye Bye, Home, Oh no, Uh oh, Dog, Doggie, Cat, making all animal noises still, Bath, Teeth. You point to your nose, mouth, hair, ears, teeth and belly button.

Lincoln, you love routine.  When you wake up you ask for your bottle.  When its time for bed we change your bottom, put on your jammies, brush your teeth ( you love to brush teeth).  Then we go upstairs and rock and you drink your bottle of milk and when you are done, you hand us the bottle and give a kiss and say BED! 

You love to be outside and you like to go bye bye.  You and I went to the mall last weekend and you were perfect.  Just sing-songy through the store saying 'shopng, shopng' and if I asked you if you liked something you said uh-huh!  You are a perfect personal shopper!

You are trying new foods all the time.  You like queso at the Mexican restaurant, sloppy joe's, spaghetti, green beans cooked w/ bacon, corn bread, angel food cake.  You know that I have a candy dish at work when Dada bring you and you share a hersey kiss with us.

Lincoln Update

Lincoln today you are 16 months, 2 weeks old.

Eat

Chicken Nuggets, Fish Sticks, French Fries, Green Beans, Cucumbers w/ Ranch, Bananas, Apple, Apple Sauce, Crackers, Cookies, Vanilla Pudding, Vanilla Ice Cream, Ham, Spaghetti, Sloppy Joes, Grilled Cheese, Shells & Cheese, Yogurt, Oatmeal, Pancakes, French Toast,
 
We let you try whatever we're having. You like fruit alot, but don't have much interest in veggies and spit them out. 

Sleep

You go to bed around 8pm, give or take a half hour on a normal night.  You sleep through the night and wake up around 7:30 or 8 am.  You sometimes coo in your sleep and we hear you over the monitor.  Sometimes the monitor is nice and othertimes it makes us completely paranoid.
Our evening routine is pretty simple.  We read books and watch Sesame Street throughout the evening, I wash your hands and face, change your diaper, put you in your pajamas and we grab a bottle from the fridge.  We go upstairs and you drink your bottle, I'll sing you a couple songs and when you're done with your botttle you give it to me, give me a kiss and I put you in your crib, cover you up and leave the room.
The nap routine is exactly the same as the bedtime routine.  We usually put you down around 1pm and you sleep anywhere from 1.5-3 hours :)

Play

You like to climb and slide, you love the new toy climber we got.  You also like the basketball hoop on the side and to crawl beneath it.  You like to play with bowls, spoons and baking pans in the kitchen while we are cooking.  You LOVE to be outside. Coming in is one of the only times we see you throw what could be called a tantrum.  You love to explore, walk down the street to get the mail. You love to swing at the park, and don't usually want to leave there either. 
You can show us your nose, ears, hair, eyes, mouth.
Gives high fives, noggin', kisses, blows kisses, fake sneezes, fake coughs, says Boo to surprise us.
Claps after a song is over or whenever he hears clapping on TV or a live song on te radio.

Talk

Cracker, Cookie, Sky, Tree, Car, Apple, Bubble, Hot Dog, One, Two, More, Hey Baby, Mama, Dada, Grandpa, Dee, Ally, Matthew, Hi, Bye-Bye, Night-Night, Morning, Up, Elmo, Abby,
Animal Noises for dog, cat, horse, cow, sheep, duck, owl, lion. 

I know I am missing some, this kid is going to talk just like his mom.

Love

Books, Baths, Brushing your teeth (playing with the toothbrush), being outside or climbing, being tickled, Elmo

Lincoln, I don't think that your dad or I could love you more than we do!  We also like you a lot and are really enjoying seeing your out-going, friendly and happy personality come through on a daily basis.  You are very sweet, smart and  funny little dude.  I was really pleased to see you go up and give a baby at daycare noggin' today -  you see babies already and give them your toys, rather than take them, and laugh with them :)