Saturday, February 19, 2011


I am:

I think:

I know:

I have:

I wish:

I hate:

I miss:

I fear:

I hear:

I smell:

I crave:

I search:

I wonder:

I regret:

I love:

I ache:

I am not:

I try:

I believe:

I dance:

I sing:

I cry:

I fight:

I lose:

I never:

I always:

I confuse:

I listen:

I can usually be found:

I need:

I am happy:

I imagine:

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Content Context is King.

Have you ever gotten into a fight with a family member or friend?  How did it start?  Was it something you did?  Was it something you said?  How did you handle it?  Has someone stopped talking to you and as far as you know everything should be fine?

In recent years I have been accused, chagred, tried, convicted, found guilty and sentenced  judged twice for saying things, only for one little bit of what was said and not the context of what was said or the actions and events that lead to me saying the wrong thing.

These events have caused some very hurtful things to be said of and about me.  These things I said, without the benefit of context make me seem like a pretty awful person.  When I realized what was being thought by people I cared about (and thought they cared about me) I was very hurt.  How can someone who knows me assume that I would think, say and do anything to hurt anyone else.  I know that the other person(s) were hurt by what I said, and for that I have apologized to them.  However, I don't understand why we no longer give someone the benefit of the doubt, trusting who we know them to be and try to find out what really happened rather than tossing friends out.  These events involved people who were supposed to have known me, trusted me, loved me.  And just like that....

I don't know about anyone one else, but I am not perfect.  Not even close.  I can only do my very best, everyday, with what comes my way.  I make mistakes, certainly say the wrong thing and put my foot in my mouth more often than I'll ever care to admit.  I have made a deal with myself that if, in the future, I feel like something big, such as the situations vaguely referenced above come along again I will fill my friends in of the situation surrounding the wrong thing and apologize.  I will not get caught up in explaining myself over and over again or changing the entire situation.  There are things to be learned from every uncomfortable moment.  It's not just me that needs to take a step back and learn. 

I wonder if the other parties in these situations still continue to blame me or if, some how, they've discovered not that they were wrong, but there are certainly other perspectives to explore and better ways to deal with things than blaming someone else for the entire circumstance.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

It's been a long time, but I need to be here.

It's been a long time since I have blogged. 

2010 was a year of big change for me. It was a very difficult year for me.  In ways I am still realizing and in ways I believe I ignored for most of the time.

A new job. Co-worker left.  Cycled through 3 candidates before finding someone to work with.

David turned 28 - but thought he was just 27 two months later! Funny conversation!

Lincoln turned 2. Lincoln is a big boy. There is no baby in my house.

I am Erin.  I am struggling.  I am very weird places in my head.  At this point I am spending a lot of time looking forward.  Begging for time to go faster.  Which in my mind is the most counter-intuitive and ridiculous thought when considering one of my largest goals should be to be present and attentive when I am with Lincoln. 

2011 is hopefully what will be a immense year for our family. I am going to continue working at a accounting firm, hopefully conquering my first tax season. I will be working some overtime Mon-Thurs. and every other Saturday.  This will limit my time with Lincoln in the evenings and is something I am thoroughly dreading.  David will complete school and hopefully find a job in the computer industry.

In many ways as I look forward, I feel like I am in a flux, just waiting to get this next 8 months over with to see what's next for our family! We are waiting for David to get a job. Waiting to get better insurance. Waiting to move into a bigger place, maybe even in a new zip code. Waiting for the right time to add someone new to our family.  Waiting.

I need to be here, writing, getting my thoughts out.  So I will be back this week with some goals and plans that will hopefully help us get through the next 8 months, or better yet, lets start with our first goal of the year: Counquer Tax Season 2011.  Survival until April 15.

And because you survived this crappy post about nothing, here's an adorable picture of Lincoln.
Consider yourself rewarded :)