have I told you lately...

I have already had my Thursday night breakdown, I had it at lunchtime. Hopefully I am done.
I am done.

This week seems manic to me; really high high's, and very low lows. 

This week has been frusterating and hopeful, spirit-breaking and triumphant.

Lincoln is "crusing" everywhere.  This means he can walk around our coffee table and sofas and pull up to just about anything.  He has a little push cart that he can go back and forth across the living room with.  I don't help, just hold his shirt for a little stability and so I can catch him so that he doesn't land on the cart.  He is interested in everything.  I have been achingly missing him the last two days while I've been at work.

The is a possiblity there will be some financial relief coming for us in the next few weeks in the form of the Post 9/11 GI Bill.  We're unsure how it will work out but hoping it hits sooner, than later.

I rear-ended a parked car last week when I was leaving work.  Someone did it to me today when I was leaving the bank : (

David has finals this week for this term (5 week long terms) and is only taking one class, rather than 2 for the next 5 weeks, so he'll only be in class 2 nights per week.  I have no idea what I'll do with him home all the time, but I am looking forward to finding out.

Our oven door is broken, has been since Labor Day weekend.  We've been waiting on the landlords to let us know what they want us to do. Subsequently I have not baked any cookies, cakes, pies, breads or dinners in almost a month.  : (

"... you fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,
easy my troubles,  that's what you do.
Have I told you lately that I love you?"

No matter the unknown and the crap, Lincoln has given me a priceless gift to focus on the triumphs and the hope.  To try to see the best when people aren't being nice or treating me the way I think they should, I am reminded to hope they had good intentions.  To think that maybe, just maybe people aren't out to be rude, hurtful and unthinking.  Lincoln helps me to refocus and remember that my family is what's most important.  Our hurt and frusterations can all be wiped clean and we can start again with the hope and triumph of a 10 month old precious babys wonder at the whole world around him. 

Long Days, Short Years

I've had a rough day, but never in my life have I so easily given up on what frusterates and saddens me than at this point in time. 

My husband is healthy.

My son is healthy.
                 (I am also healthy)
I am in love with my husband.
                 (He likes me alot :)
I obsessivly adore my son.
                  (He loves me, he tells me so with very sloppy kisses!)
My life is good.

Though I may had days where I make bodaciously bad decisions and mistakes, or have frusterating conversations with everyone I talk to and am mis-understood; when we are pockets and wallets and thin...

Nothing is better that you're going home, where you're life has lead you to all along.  i love my life and my family!

These days with work, daycare, and David's school make for Long Days, but these times are going fast and will add up to some very Short Years.  I am trying my best to live and breathe in every moment and take nothing for granted.  Its hard sometimes, but ironically its these days when I'm off my game that remind me to focus in on what and who matter. 

bReaKdoWn Thursdays

I always had a theory when I used to babysit about Thursdays.  Kids are tired, its been a busy week; parents lack all patience to simply get thier kids through the night.

Welcome to my breakdown Thursdays.

This sucks.

Work was fine.  Had to stay just a few minutes late for a meeting.  Caught in horrible traffic due to rain.  Virginians suck at driving (that is a whole new post that I'll have to write soon).  Just some drizzle and we can only go 5-15 MPH. It's so freakin' frusterating!

I only see David for about 5 minutes between when I walk in the door and he walks out.

Lincoln was so freakin' grumpy tonight!  I had to say 'no' alot.  He is insistent on getting into trouble, trying to eat David's work boots , playing with a lamp that he has almost pulled down on his little head before, yikes!, and generally get into everything.

He went to bed 10 minutes earlier than usual.  That was an hour ago.  He is awake and I am listening to him cry in his crib.  I am not a fan of this situation we find ourselves in.  I dispise spending the barely 2 hours I had with him tonight frusterated, constantly saying 'no' and moving him away from things.  I know I am doing what is best for him. 

He's not crying now.  I love him more that I care about anything else.  I care about every aspect of his day. I breath for the moment I walk in the door at home and he begins to laugh.  I was born to tell him he's loved and give him kissed and be kissed back.  Sometimes rather than kissing my mouth he will kiss bite, my nose. I love that!  I love his hugs, his smile, his giggle, his frustated cry, his tears that I can kiss and wipe away.

I miss my husband.  I miss Lincoln when he is at daycare.  We work all day long, I miss them both all day long!

Thursdays are bearable because Fridays will follow.  I love my husband.  i love my son.  I love who they have helped me become.  I am me, a wife and mother because of them!

I Believe

I believe in God.

I believe that God knows everything about everything and that we as His people have free will. I know that bad things happen to good people and good things to bad people. I don't think I believe in luck.

I believe in love and family.

I think nothing smells better than my baby, even when its been a couple days since his last bath.

I believe nothing sounds better than my baby laughing, babbling, talking.

I believe nothing feels better than a hug from my husband after a long day.

I think happiness is a word that people throw around to make excuses for selfish and bad decisions. I think there is a slippery slope between making yourself 'happy' and remembering that other people's 'happiness' is affected by how you pursue your's.

I believe Coca Cola tastes way better than water and is my #1 beverage choice!

I believe baking cookies, cakes, muffins and brownies is the best way to warm my home, with smells and the warmth of our oven.

I believe having a perfect pair of jeans can make or break my self-image.

I know I would be lost without my husband, son, mom and girlfriends. They are all the best!

Pregnancy Recap

Our son, Lincoln was born November 26. I'll write another post about how awesome he is. This is the before...

David was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma February 26th, 2008. I found out I was pregnant March 25th. It wasn't so much planned, as it was "if it happens, great! if not, no big deal." We aren't sure if the chemo will affect David's fertility in the future and had not to that point tried to get pregnant as we had been married just 7 months. Well it happened!

I spent all of my first trimester VERY sick. I had awful morning sickness. I woke up and was instantly running for the bathroom every morning. Some days I continued to be sick all day. Other days I was able to have a subway sandwich for lunch. Sp.rite, Slurp.ees, saltines, graham crakers, and toast were always around and usually helped. Sometimes, even if I had a good day I would still lose my dinner, that was very frusterating. I never found any rhyme or reason to any of it and lost 15 lbs. I took my prenatal vitamin and a benadryl every night before bed and that helped, or i thought it did. I think having the good night sleep helped!

I was sick until I was 16 or 18 weeks. I was 23 weeks pregant when we had our ultrasound to find out the gender of our baby. I had been convinced by alot of people that our baby was a girl and we have 5 nephews, so we joked that maybe odds had it that we might be having a girl. NOPE! He might as well have sat on a copy machine- this guy was all boy and not shy at all! We had already picked out a name, Lincoln!

We were given a surprise baby shower in Massachusetts by David's relatives when we visited over Labor Day and had another, given by my boss later in September.

The middle of my pregancy was very enjoyable. Lincoln was a very active baby and I never worried or wondered if he was ok in there! I was comfortable most of the time. I had a good time watching him kick the remote control when i set it on my belly or kick my hand if i was in his way.

We moved from an apartment to a townhouse in October and set up the nursery then. By this point I had entered my third trimester. I had heartburn alot but was otherwise doing well. I set a goal for myself, and to have a healthy full-term baby (as much as the 'when' is in my control), for the third weekend in November. We had a baby pool and our family and friends guessed when sweet Lincoln would arrive. For a couple of days I walked the mall and stores, ate spicy foods, and cleaned our house from top to bottom hoping Lincoln would show up.

After a false alarm on a Monday night, and going to work the next day exhausted we went to dinner at Chili's and walked the mall for a bit. My water broke that night! I labored for 24 hours, with pitocin and a epidural, and stalled out at 6 centimeters. I had a c-section.

Lincoln was born November 26th at 9:41 p.m. He weighed 7 lb. 9oz. and was 20.5 inches long.

My recovery wasn't awful, but it wasn't any fun. I took my pain meds on time and made my only goal to take care of my son, anything else could wait. I will elect to have a c-section if I am blessed to get pregnant in the future, based on the advice of my doctors and nurses.

David Goes to School

David completed his electrical apprenticeship in April 2009. It was a 4 year program sponsored by his employer, and from September to April he went to class 2 nights a week. He finished all 4 years with an A in the class.

Well, before he even completed the apprenticeship he was making plans to go to school again. He is now attending a technical school for a computer sciences degree that emphasizes simulation, modeling and game design. It is an accelerated program that will take two and a half years, taking classes four nights per week! Gah! So far it is going well and academically he is doing well in his classes. It is a big undertaking since he is working 36-40 hour weeks and trying to spend time with his (high-maintenance) wife and adorable infant son.

He was compelled to go this route for many reasons. First, this is what he's always wanted to do- well, don't most guys want to play video games all the time? It is something he considered persuing when he finished his commitment to the N.avy, but went the apprenticeship route. Second, he has his GI Bill from being in the N.avy and serving our country and he wanted to use it. Good thing for us too, as they are increasing the benefits (I'll let you know in October how that is helping us out, if it does). and Third, getting cancer, being treated for it and finding how much working outdoors in the elements affects a person gave David the idea that he may want to find some additional avenues. Also, I think he wants to do something he LOVES to do and while he enjoys electrical work and the accomplishment of working a job and seeing it go from start to finish- he's not sure if that what he wants to do forever.

We're praying that all this school pays off, literally, and he finds himself in a career where he has fun!

Cancer Update

David is cancer FREE!!! He completed the 8 chemo treatments at the end of June '08 and daily radiation treatments for almost a month in August '08. He had a PET scan at that point and has been cancer free! He sees his oncologist every 3 months- and those visits have become quite enjoyable now that we have Lincoln to show about, but more about that in another post. David has lost between 10-15 lbs. since completing chemo, and some of that maybe more that he gained, but he gained because of the fluids they were pumping into him.

Through chemo he never did get sick. He felt exhausted and nauseous but did really well. He did miss work and left early some days, but considering how it could have been he really did great.

Radiation was really a pain in the neck/mouth. His cancer was found in the right side of his neck, so they did concentrated rads on his right side and then did both sides. The side-effects to this irritated David more than the chemo stuff. It dried out his salivary glands which made eating difficult and painful. Also, it stops facial hair growth, so for a while his beard would not grow on his neck, seriously interesting!

David saw his doctor for follow-up visits in mid-Nov. '08, Feb '09, May '09 and Aug '09 and will return in November. We are planning on having a CT scan in Feb to check on things, but so far so good.

We are grateful for David's health and also for Lincoln's and my health as well! We have learned to by happy on the normal boring days and enjoy every moment!