Status Update

Happy New Year to all of our friends and family! We love you all!!! We're leaving Colorado and heading home tomorrow morning. We are really sad to be leaving and are amazed everytime we am here just how majestic this view is. We love it here. We have had a wonderful trip and visit, cannot wait to get back here!!!!

Status Update.

I am going to post a couple status updates I've put on FB so that I can remember events.

Erin is thankful for weekends spent with my husband and son. We had a great weekend until Lincoln decided to start getting his fifth tooth (first on the top) today. He was a joy (haha) to be around all day long and didn't want to go to bed without a fight. He is in bed, hopefully sleeping well and will feel much better t...omorrow. Hope everyone else had a great weekend!

5 Question Friday-Christmas Style!

We will be visiting extended family in Colorado for Christmas this year. We'll have a get together with my mom and her husband and my Dad, his wife and my baby brother Matthew sometime before or after our trip. My older brother will be staying at home this year with his family of 5 and my younger brother is currently MIA.

1. Does Santa wrap the presents he leaves at your house?

Yes he will, but he'll be dropping off Lincoln's gifts in Colorado. 

2. When is your "big" Christmas celebration...Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Tell us about it...

When I was growing up we used to have Christmas Eve with my paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and Christmas Day with maternal grandparents and uncle.  Since our parents are divorced and his live our of state, we have yet to establish 'our' tradition.  I have no idea what we'll end up doing for our big celebration, but we have years to figure it out.
3. Are you big on keeping tradition every year?

Yes, but see above.  It's complicated.   As Lincoln grows I will definately be trying to establish traditions for our family of three (or more as our family grows).

4. Do colored lights or white lights tickle your fancy?

I like all lights!
5. Do you decorate outside your house for Christmas?

I have a wreath on the door and you can see our tree outside, but I don't have a plug for lights and garland :(

Merry Christmas

Trying to remember...

Just a year ago Lincoln was a tiny baby who came into our home and took over our lives and hearts!  We truly wouldn't have it any other way!

I want to jot down some things, so that if and when we might be blessed with another tiny little person we will look back at this and maybe remember a little bit.

1- Sleeping when baby sleeps:  This is advice we took straight to our pillows. I had made a decision that since I would only have 6 weeks off from work that I would make the most of it and soak up as much time with my son as I could.  I have to say I am so glad that I did.  I missed him desperately when I returned to work and I will always treasure those 6 weeks, lounging on the couch, sleeping, watching The West Wing or One Tree Hill, staring at your little face and body and just adoring you.  We rarely went anywhere or had visitors durning that time, just Lincoln and me, curled up and loving it!

2- Middle of the Night:  Have bottles already made, and waiting in a cooler for middle of the night feedings or have formula and water pre-measured and mix on demand.  Having a c-section prevented me from going up/down stairs too much, so this was important!  We gave Lincoln his last bottle around 10:30 or 11 p.m. and went to bed.  The first two months he was up twice in that time and would eat and go back to sleep.  Lincoln was and is the best baby and we were very rarely up for long periods in the middle of the night.  I can really only remember once, maybe twice- sadly hormones had me thinking it was the worst night ever and I am sure I was in tears over this.  ( Around 3.5 months we tried cereal in his bottle, sometimes it helped his sleep longer and sometimes not.  Once Lincoln was around 5 months old we were told that he no longer needed to eat in the middle of the night.  Over a couple of nights, really that fast, we made that bottle smaller and smaller, until we went in rocked him or patted his butt for a moment and he would go back to sleep.  Since he was about 8 months old, if he wakes in the middle of the night, we'll wait to see if he will settle himself or go in and pat his bottom. 

3- Bassinet v. Crib:  Putting Lincoln in his crib, in his room was impossible for me to think about being so far from him.  Now, I think now that it sounds irrational, but when you carry this person around with you, all the time for 9 months, and then have to put him in another room was not something I was willing to do, at all!  Lincoln did not begin sleeping in his own room until he was nearly 4 months old.  Partly because we were travelling to visit family and I saw no need to get him out of the pack and play and into his crib at home, then to travel and put him back in the back and play.  His transition to his room was easy and now if he is in the room with us, it is obvious that none of us are sleeping well.

4- Back to sleep: Lincoln always seemed to be very uncomfortable on his back once he passed 5 weeks old. We had been told about, and given alot of information on SIDS and I felt like something like that happening to Lincoln would be a nightmare. At the suggestion of Lincoln's babysitter we began putting Lincoln to sleep on his side with his back against the side of the bassinet.  This worked for us.  I can't say I didn't worry, but I felt comfortable knowing he was sleeping well and right next to me. 

5- C-Section/Abdominal Surgery Recovery: Use a pillow against your belly when sitting up.  Pack a bag going up/down stairs so you minimize multiple trips.

Lincoln now sleeps from 7:30 or 8 p.m. until 8 a.m.  On the weekends sometimes he'll sleep until 9 or so!! Awesome!  When he was tiny we'd put him to be late; I guess we've just made what time he goes to bed earlier as he's been sleeping longer- I don't know.  Lincoln has made alot of this very easy on us and we cannot be credited with much of anything. 

We are so blessed to be parents to Lincoln and really make an effort to remember to be grateful he is such a good baby, now toddler.

Not Me Monday

I do not have a bruise on my left cheek because my one year old kicked my butt threw his toy phone at my face.

I did not turn around to find Lincoln chewing on scissors after I had left them out.

I did not forget Lincoln's bag and all his bottles for daycare at home.

I did not go to Lincoln's 12 month pediatrician appointment without any toys, snacks or even diapers - we left from daycare and I didn't have my diaper bag.

Five Question Friday

1. Favorite gift you are GIVING this year?

Pictures of Lincoln.  We are hoping to go small scale for everyone this year, but our families seem to be doing the same things as always.

2. How many parties are you attending between now and Christmas?

Zero.  I am thinking about having a open house but we'll see.

3. What is your favorite Christmas song?

Oh Come All Ye Faithful. But I love all of it!

4. Who was your favorite elementary school teacher and why?

I liked my kindergarten and 3rd grade teachers, mostly because I remember personally connecting with them both.

5. If you had a choice to live in any other period of time (other than now) what era would you choose and why?

The 50s when cost-of-living wasn't so high and mom's stayed home with their kids.  Oh how I wish I could do that! ;)

What God might be trying to teach me...

I read a blog this morning by Ryan at thisisreverb this morning that really seems t convict me and make me dig deeper regarding my self-centered loneliness this week.  Ryan asked his readers me to try to pinpoint

What is God doing in your life right now?
What has God been teaching you?
If you were God, what would YOU be trying to teach you?

I learned alot about myself last year.  When your husband is diagnosed with cancer and undergoes 6 months of chemo and radiation and as a couple you decide to try to, and do successfully become pregnant (in case chemo damages your chances) you all of the sudden, without a doubt KNOW what is important.    It was reaffirmed to me that God is working in my life and was/is/has been with us throughout our lives.  I know without a doubt that I love my husband and he loves me, and that this is the core of my life and what I need to focus on.  Add to that core our handsome, now one year old son who is the sunshine in my days.  At our wedding, David's paternal grandparents told us to remember that it is us and God against it all.  We no longer rely on our families or friends.  I have good memories from last year.  It was hard.  Chemo was miserable for David.  I did not enjoy 4 months of morning all day sickness and losing 15 lbs in the process.  However, on the other side of it now, David and Lincoln are healthy; David is cancer-free; I am a lucky wife and mom!

This year, maybe God is reminding me to be contented with my own company.  Maybe God wants me to stand alone with David and Lincoln and be ok with that.  I crave friendships, communication and maybe even attention?  I also think that I am learning that I need to do nice things because I want to and not because if I do people will spend time with me.  It's hard because in alot of ways, I sometimes feel like I should be available for my friends and willing to do whatever whenever, but for how many years do I cook, bake and do for people whatever they ask. Maybe I need to find someplace to serve?  Someplace to give, someplace that needs me like I need to be needed?  <--- That felt like hitting the nail on the head.  Hm.  I am getting closer here maybe. 

It feels wrong and ungrateful to sit here and type that I feel unwanted and whatever else that is lying beneath the surface. 

I am grateful for my husband and my son.  I love our life and spending time with them.  I feel extremely incomplete when I am not with them. <--- There it is again, nail on the head!

I am going to read this again later and see if I have come up with any other conclusions... We'll see.

This week...

Lincoln is walking and getting his fourth bottom tooth.  He doesn't have any top teeth.  He was walking across the living room last night and when I put him down from holding him he will stand and take a few steps.  It is adorable and mostly looks like a drunk frankenstein!!  He threw his toy phone at me the otherday when I wasn't paying attention, it totally caught me by surprise and he hit my cheek and WOW it hurt!  I sing to him at night when I put him to bed and now he'll hum when we are in the rocking chair!

I am lonely

I am a lot grumpy these days.  I am lonely.  David is at school four nights a week and also working weekends doing side work. I am trying so hard to be grateful, but its very hard. I miss my husband and while I felt I had made peace tried to accept it, it is getting harder.  I want our family time back and I want my husband to spend time with me. 

I am really enjoying my time with Lincoln in the evenings.  I really enjoy my time with him and miss him once he's gone to bed. 

I am bitter and frusterated that my friends have their own lives and can't just keep me company while David is at school.  That's not fair to my friends, but i will say that they haven't been coming through for me and it pisses me off. 

I am going to try to find some activities or friends to hang out with on a regular basis.  I am going to make my own plans, start some crafts and projects and do my own thing. 

I'll let you know how this goes.